a dusting
I could try to pretend like I have something important to say right now, but I’d be lying to you and to myself. So I’ll write just for the sake of it, just for me. I’m feeling uninspired, but sometimes I just need to force myself. Whatever will come will come.
I woke up to the first frost of the year and instead of being turned off I felt cozy. I find snow to be charming between December 1st and Christmas, but anytime before or after those dates it’s a complete nuisance. We could go straight to spring after the 25th for all I care. Spring is when it all starts happening for me anyhow, every year, without fail. I hate that my inspiration relies so heavily on the weather around me, but it’s inescapable. Those winters in Iowa really ruined it for me. You know it’s bad when they have to lay sand down on the ice because they’ve used up all the salt in the state. No ground but snow from November to April. And to think there are people who have it even worse than Iowans! Dare I even wonder about Alaska’s seasons? No thank you, an Iowa winter and a half was enough for me.
But instead this first frost finds me wanting to curl up in my flannel pj’s with a cup of tea to reread Harry Potter. I think I may bring the first book with me to work this evening. Those stories provide such comfort and adventure that I find crucial this time of year. It’s childhood all over again. I remember when I was only eight or something my best friend Mary Jo had a home video of santa. What I mean is they set up a hidden camera in their living room on the night of Christmas and what they captured were a pair of booted legs setting presents under the tree. I knew even when I first saw the video that it was their father trying to keep their curiosity alive, but it’s that little bit of fun, that impossibility, that we all need once in a while. I’m going to cut myself off before I get too sappy.
Tomorrow is my day off and I plan to spend it in the library. Something will come of it, even if I have to force the words onto the page. Sometimes you just have to drain yourself, no matter how messy the outcome. Out of each mess always comes a shimmering bit to hold onto, making it all worthwhile.
